i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
