Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize