They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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