i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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