It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize