You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
