He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
