wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
