i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize