They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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