My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
