new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
