True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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