How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
