I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
