I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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