he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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