when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
