I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
