I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
