shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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