I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
