i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
