it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
