she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have feelings that need drinking.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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