At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
