Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
