I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
