He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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