im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
