mondays should just be called national damage control day
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
