i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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