hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
