I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
