Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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