I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
a search helicopter?!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
