i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
