i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
