did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I looked at my own cervix.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
