Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
