he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
