The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
