so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
