puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
