Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Someone shit on the floor
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
