we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
