in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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