My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
