You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
