when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
