ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
