I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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