new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
