There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
