Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
