I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
