this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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