just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
