If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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