I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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