she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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