Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
