Need sex. Gaining weight.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
