Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
