1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize