I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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