You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
