first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This is the high leading the old right now
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
