oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
