At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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