Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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