Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
