fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
