that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
