i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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