Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
