I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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