My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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