I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
