He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
