How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
