direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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