Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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